In our ShatkiPlay Groups, we practice Transpersonal Intimacy. So what is it, and why?
This practice is especially good for people who feel kinda shy about Tantra, intimidated or insecure about getting too close to other people.
Let’s face it: intimacy can feel really scary. If I’m getting too close to someone, it feels vulnerable. For example you might be afraid that they might like you more than you like them. They might want more than what you may be available for, and they’re not gonna let you go. They might come after you, stuck you, and not respect your “no”. You might foresee having to become fierce or forceful in order to get them off you, and that doesn’t feel good.
Or it might be the opposite. You might like that person more than they like you. It could get terrifying to get close to a person that you feel a deep connection with, and then they leave. you might feel rejected and abandoned. You won’t feel valued or held in your vulnerable opening.
That is why we practice Transpersonal Intimacy. So we can create a safe container to connect as deep as we want, and then we’re free to go, without hurting ourselves or other people. It feels clean and nurturing.
Unfortunately, Tantra is often associated with messy polyamory, or hunting for more pleasure. It fascinates me that America is a culture of over achievers. So usually the marketing is about more pleasure, bigger-better-faster-stronger organisms, sexual prouesses, etc.
But I’m French, and French people like to take their time. And I think there’s something to say about that. What about slower, smoother, closer, deeper? Hmmm…
Don’t worry there’s no sex, sexual touch or nudity in our groups, we hold a safe clean container. When I say intimacy, it could be eye gazing, getting into a melting hug, dancing or practicing energy exercices. It’s not confrontational, it’s safe, you can pass or do the exercise by yourself. And then you can go free of entanglement.
I also find that most people who are single or in a committed relationship find themselves lonely.
Our groups are primarily for people who want a monogamous relationship. They want a nurturing meaningful sustainable relationship, where they can feel deeply connected, seen, understood and fulfilled.
But you might have noticed that this is easier said than done. That’s why we practice Transpersonal Intimacy.
The practice allows to get close to people and relate from human being to human being, at a beautiful core level. It’s building the muscle that allows us to open and connect with another human being, eye gaze, have a melting hug, meeting each other on a core vibration level. That’s the transpersonal part. So we bond. And that feels personal. Then we can kind of “deroll” and I can come back to myself. And from that place I can see what my choice is: do I actually want to get that person’s phone number and go for diner?
See, during the workshops we can go pretty deep pretty fast. So it’s not a good place to make decisions. And usually people find what they are starving for. So they think, “Oh! I just found it, this is it! I need that person!” And they chase out instead of owning in.
So here’s what we do instead: We might be eye gazing for a while, or experience a deep melting hug. Then I can thank that person, on a personal and on a transpersonal level, go back to myself, integrate the experience, and be free of ties and entanglement. To do this, we place our hands on our heart and our belly and we say, “Thank you for your presence, thank you for this gift of love.”
Then we can own our own magic. We can thank ourselves for being present, being open, giving and receiving. I know that my experience and my worth do not depend on that particular person. I can own it fully.
If I feel love, maybe it is because someone is loving me, but mostly it is because I can generate Love. For others and for myself. So it is personal, “Thank you to this person”. And it is transpersonal, “I am responsible for feeling love from the love I generate”. Now I’m free to take a moment with myself, or to go connect with another person from a blank slate.
And then after the workshop is over, I can choose if I want to pursue a personal relationship with that person and exchange phone numbers and go for coffee or diner. Or not.
That’s a very healthy practice that allows to connect with multiple people from that state and still feel whole.
Each person that we connect with has a different flavor. Each woman is different, each man is different. And we are different depending on the person we connect with.
So by practicing Transpersonal Intimacy, we discover and we learn who we are and what we like, in a safe container.
The problem with intimacy is that most often, we tend to merge with the other person and think that he or she is responsible for how we feel. Or that we’re responsible for how they feel. So intimacy becomes conditional, and messy.
We are hardwired to be herding animals. So we suffer when we don’t feel connected, when we lack intimacy and we feel lonely.
So this practice of Transpersonal Intimacy builds an inner skill that brings safety, self-confidence, and that is very nurturing.
If you’re looking for a potential partner, you’re not hungry of love and connection. You’re nurtured, you’re whole and you’re connected with yourself.
And if you already have a partner, you can come from equal power, and not from neediness or codependency. They can be who they are, that’s ok, I have me, you have you. And from that place we can create healthy, balanced and secure attachment.
We practice Transpersonal Intimacy in the groups, with a safe container, so that we can build our self-confidence. Then intimacy becomes less scary. We know how to navigate safely around more vulnerable emotions, and we become more available to our partner. We can access a richer life experience.