I didn’t really know how much I was craving my wildness before a man asked me a simple question last night…
I was sitting with my men’s group like I do every Tuesday -I’m part of the Mankind Project and we share the ongoing commitment to meet for 3 hours every Tuesday night in Berkeley, CA.
So, I was sitting in the circle, feeling tensed and anxious about current personal financial worries, when a man asked me: “How do you nurture yourself in your life? How do you get back to a sense of peace?”
The question took me aback a little bit because I was not feeling at peace in that moment, and more present with tremors of anxiety throughout my body. At first, I was more craving to share about that vulnerably. But I decided to go with the guidance and be in the moment with the other men sitting in the circle. I had to repeat the question to bring myself in full presence in the room: “How do I nurture yourself in my life? How do I get back to a sense of peace?”
Speaking with an affirming voice allowed me to get more in touch with the impact of my sound in the room.
I started to find my answer: “When I feel tensed, anxious, challenged, what works best for me is to go out in nature for example, and have a 10 or 12 mile hikes with my wife Lissa. We love nature and we love wild life. There is a lot a wildlife near our house in Muir Beach. We have hawks, dears, coyotes and foxes, even whales.” As a matter of fact, as I was driving home later that night I could not believe how many animals the lights of my car caught: 2 young dears climbing up in the bushes on the side of the road, a fox dashing in front of the car, a skunk hiding in between trash cans, and even two racoons scavenging around trash cans as well.
“I love when wild animals seem to want to come and play and cross my path. I brings me a feeling of connectedness with nature, with the earth, and with the wild part of me. Connecting with nature brings me a sense of peace.
I also love dancing at Seat your Prayers on Sunday mornings in Sausalito. I surrender to the music and let my body move wildly through all sorts of emotions: tensions, anger, anxiety, stress, joy, grief, empowerment, ecstasy of just feeling alive and more… And it end of the 2 hour session, I feel at peace with myself and the people in the room.”
As I was speaking, answering that man’s question, I started to realize how many times I was using the word “wild”. It seemed paradoxical that being in touch with wild energy would bring me back to a sense of peace, but I just had to accept it. How could that be?
Also that morning I had a therapy session involving a lot of body movement and breathing, especially in the belly and my 1st Chakra. That allowed me to access memories when I was 2 or 3 years old. And even in my mother’s womb. Feelings that felt so real and true, I could not deny.
After the session I felt so relaxed, nurtured and present. I came to realize that the more I get in touch with my wild masculine energy and express somatically my emotions, the more I can to be fully present, empowered, joyful and enlivened. That wild energy is not of destruction or rage. I can feel myself even more connected to my heart and to my want of feeling connected with other men, and feel their wild empowered self. It is Shakti, the creative force of life from which our dreams take form and become reality.
As I was sharing vulnerably my experience, I could feel the other men in the circle getting more present in the room and giving me their full attention. As a reflection, another man expressed his own craving to be in a tribe of men and build a house together for example, or be in the wild in the wood, dancing together, activating our power, and achieving good things together from that place. Unfortunately, in our society wildness has been demonized and domesticated, and as we are all aware, the wild part of men can have serious destructive consequences when not channeled in a healthy way.
I believe it is because of the repression of wildness and sexual energy that buckets of frustration and pain get accumulated and stored in the body. But that repressed energy has to come out somehow, like a river trying to break through rocks, or a barrier in its way. The pressure builds up, and if it’s not channeled freely and naturally, emotions and sexual energy need to be expressed somehow, it can really destroy everything in its path.
For me it is very healthy to activate my wildness on the dance floor or in the safe container of the men’s group, and feel the wildness of other men, and bound together in this way. I feel connected with my heart-warrior brothers. As he expose our emotional struggles, I feel I have their backs and they have mine. And I know that from that place, women can be very attracted to us. Many women have told me that they feel safe and compelled when they witness men expressing and enlivening their wildness together, in a playful way.
But it needs to feel safe. And to be safe, it needs to be expressed with authenticity, vulnerability, integrity.
So although it is not the first thing I would have liked to share, I was extremely grateful for the question from this man about “How do I nurture myself? How do I get back to a sense of peace?”
I could have said: “I sit down, I breathe and I meditate… or I take a nap, or I go get a massage, or go watch a movie.” But in this moment, my answer surprised me. My answer was: “I connect with my Iron John, my masculine wildness.” And in truth that’s what allows me to reconnect with my body, with my first, second and third Chakra. And those 3 opened Chakras support my heart, they express themselves through my throat, my vision becomes wider, and I feel fully truly connected to the divine. Instead of going out and distract ourselves, we can go in and reconnect to our core. What’s most nurturing and brings me back to peace is not control, distraction or bypassing. It is expressing all my emotions through my body, whatever they are, and accept them with no judgement.
Yes, there can be a lot of shadow around wild energy. Some chose to wave a spear, or a gun. But as we come together as conscious men, and we know just as well how to express our vulnerability, with full safety and integrity, we need more than ever to be in touch with our wild energy. And as we take an oath to serve Mankind and the Divine Feminine, as magnificent Knight of Old, this wild energy is what can move mountains in this world, rivet ourselves to our purpose, and empower us to express fully the sound and voice of our life force.
What about you? Are you in touch with your wildness? Does this inspire you to take an oath of truth? And from that place to activate your wildness, and dare to live your life to the fullest?
What holds you back? Who told you that it was not ok to be fully expressed? A parent? An ex-partner? A teacher? How long are you going to listen to those voices, and allow them to dictate your life?
Let’s hold each other by the shoulders and roar together, to express our pure delight to be alive, today in this body!
Let’s get together, brothers and sisters, and celebrate this beautiful life force that the Great Mother fuses us with, everyday of our lives. Let’s drink the nuclear energy coming from the sun that activates vibrantly every sells of our body! Let’s feel it. Let’s be here now!
That is the feeling. That is how much wildness we crave as men.