Hi, Olivier Bessaignet here and I wanted to share with you why I’m offering Tantra groups and intimacy workshops. I was with friends a few months ago, I was traveling, and I went to visit those friends. They are a couple and this is what they shared with me, that’s why its important for me to share that with you today. They’ve been married for 20 years, I think, and they have an older daughter who is in college right now and also a younger son who’s 10. They’ve been through a lot, like most couples. At that point they didn’t have that much intimacy anymore actually, they were about to blow up, to break up. The intimacy was, after having raising the children, and it was not there anymore. They were working a lot. They’re both lawyers, and the man started to have an affair and that’s where the marriage was on the brink of breaking up. They were about to break up, but fortunately enough they went to a workshop, and they were able to see again the love and value of being together and the value in each other. Okay.
They connected back together and after that the woman was very excited. She was like, “Oh, I got my marriage back, I got my husband back. Maybe now we can go a little deeper and have some more intimacy.” They signed up for a Tantra workshop. They didn’t know much about Tantra, she just went on the internet, and she just signed up. They went pretty rapidly from that first workshop where they got back together, and they renewed their vows, to the Tantra workshop to get more intimacy. Unfortunately, she was sharing with me that they didn’t have much of a good experience. Why? Because it was a lot about sexual techniques, like how to pleasure a woman, how to use your fingers, and the position, and the breathing, and the this, and the that. That’s not what they were looking for. They were not looking for techniques to be more intimate. They were looking for a more sacred space where their intimacy could be held and supported. They freaked out. I think they left after the first or the second day and that really broke my heart because, what I know from Tantra… When I was in France I got together with this Tantra teacher, we became partners, life partners, we lived together for 12 years. We’re not legally married but, living together for 12 years, that’s a marriage.
She was teaching Tantra, it was her full time activity. I had other things going on. I was doing music, I had a recording studio so for me, Tantra was not a profession, it was not my main thing. It was my private thing. I didn’t talk much about that. I didn’t talk about that to my clients for example or other musicians. I went for myself and I was supporting my partner doing her workshops. I didn’t want to become a Tantra myself, I didn’t have any ambition in that, but it just happened that for 12 years I went every week to the practice. We were breathing, and I was demonstrating the techniques. She was talking, I was not talking. I was not the teacher, I was just there to be doing my practice but, after a while, after a few months, after a few years, I had it together, so I was initiating and showing how it looked like, and the other students were following and practicing as well. I just realized, or I had the feedback from others like that couple, that I have something in me, a vibration that is not common. It doesn’t come from an office training, I didn’t get a degree, I just had this practice for 12 years with this Tantra teacher, and we were in the monogamous relationship, we were like a marriage.
I just want to say that to move away from the California Neo-Tantra where people are polyamorous or oriented toward open relationships. That’s not my thing. I tried it, it was fun for a while but, I’m a deep diver. What I like is diving deep in a relationship and finding self-realization through the couple. They say now … Who said that? That the new Ashram is the couple. Instead of going to India and spending time with a Guru, now it’s through the relationship of a long term monogamous relationship.
In the Tantra workshops that I lead the door is not closed to polyamory or open relationships at all. If that’s what you like, well, you’re welcome but, I’m addressing specifically people who are in a committed relationship who like to dive deep in the committed relationship, such as a marriage, and I want you to know that this place is safe. Because a lot of couples they think, “Well, if I go to a Tantra workshop with my partner then, it might not be safe because we’re going to be expected to work with other people and open the relationship or what not.”
This is really not where I’m coming from. If the person thinks, “Well, I want to go to a Tantra workshop to open myself and work on my openness around sexuality, open my hearts, and my psyche and get more expressed. But my spouse does not want to come, then it might be a problem because they might get scared I might hook up with someone else or that they can be left out, or the relationship is not safe anymore.
I just want to reassure you, if that your case, I want to reassure you that I’m married in a monogamous relationship, and I protect people who are married and in a monogamous relationship. For me, the path is to dive deep with one person. If you want some different, you can still come and get a lot out of the experience. We have all sort of people. We have singles, we have couples, but the people who want to stay in their couple, they can stay in their couple. If they are married or in long term relationship they can come and interact with other single people. It’s not going to affect or put their marriage in danger because that’s not what it’s about.
Yeah, I heard another friend who participated to a workshop recently who said, “Yeah, your workshop is so different than what I’m used to because I’m used to okay, we get there and then we get naked and then we start to play. Then we try to find some consciousness or sacredness through the interaction.” This is the opposite of what I offer. That’s why he was reflecting back to me. He was saying, “Wow, Olivier, first you create the container, the sacredness. First we meditate, first we go into a place of inner sacredness. Only an hour or two hours into that deep dive inside ourselves then we connect with others.” He was saying, “My experience was totally different when I connected with someone else. It was not from a social interaction place. It was from a sacred place.” He was saying … I’m going to try to put his testimonial on the page but, he was saying basically that yeah, he experienced what I call Transpersonal Intimacy, which means he could relate with someone else totally outside of being hooked into a relationship. It was really human to human, soul to soul. Just for a few minutes, then we switch with somebody else and then somebody else, so he was sharing with me that he had a profound experience, and a very safe experience although, like me, he is geared towards monogamous relationships.
I just wanted to tell you where I’m coming from because there could be a lot of misconceptions about Tantra those days. It’s usually it’s associated with polyamory or with sex. The practices are mostly nonverbal, which means they’re experiential, and they are nonsexual. He was asking before coming to the workshop, “Is there any sex in the groups?” I said, “No.” “Are we getting naked in the groups?” Said, “No, we don’t need to get naked to practice Tantra at all.” “Is there any sexual touch?” Well no, there’s no sexual touch and there is no entanglement with other people in this way. You come in, you get nourished, you get community, you get activation, you get fulfilled, you get nourishment, you get love bombed, you get expressed, you get enlivened, and then you go home. You don’t get entangled, you go home, you’re free. Okay? That’s really what it’s about. I hope that clarifies maybe some of the… if you had any idea or presumption about what would happen so, I hope that’s helpful.